So today I rode the rollercoaster of massive emotions haha. Let me start from the begining.
It's Sunday morning, I wake up and get ready for shots. I grab my cup of ICE that has become my best friend every morning. I must admit each day the shots become a little tougher, only because I'm trying to find a new spot to poke between the bruises and tender skin haha. I realize tomorrow is my last day of shots! I'm stoked!! I send out a snapchat to friends expressing my excitement. PROBABLY should have learned my lesson by now and not to speak too soon... fast forward to my drs apt.
I have had to go in the last few days in a row for ultrasounds and blood draws. Today was supposed to be my second to last one. The technician started the ultrasound and said something about some of my eggs growing "a little" in a "ugh oh" voice. I didn't really want to hear "a little" I wanted to hear something a little more like "oh these things look like grapefruit!! Okay, maybe not grapefruit, that would kill and I'm already dying haha! ANYWAY basically she explained I may need to stay on my meds for a few days longer. FREAK I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE SENT THAT DANG SNAP!!!! They drew my blood and then they brought the form to buy more drugs. Mind you, we've already spent a little over $4,000 on my medicine SO we REALLY didn't want to have to buy more if we didn't need to. I had a feeling just to wait until tomorrow, since I had enough to get me through tomorrow anyway.
We left and I broke down. I know I have more hormones than a supermarket chicken right now, SO I know its partially that. But I was just so overwhelmed. I feel like I'm emotionally and physically spent by this point. I was just so worried something was going to go wrong. I know it could be so much worse, and I am so grateful its not. But for me, today, I just needed a break. Brady of course told me not to worry, that everything is okay and everything will be okay. He's seriously the best at this stuff. He is really great at keeping the faith and staying positive which always helps me.
I waited what felt like hours for the phone call telling me what my next step was. I've realized with IVF, it can change day to day so I try to be ready for anything. Today I was getting myself ready to hear I needed to do a few more days of meds. I FINALLY got the call and when the nurse said, "we want you to do your trigger shot tonight"......Wait.....that is completely opposite of what I thought she was going to say. For those who don't know, you do your trigger shot last and then its surgery.
Here I was thinking I was going to have to do MORE shots and really, I'm done... I'm done with my meds..I'm doing my last shot. I'm now getting ready for surgery. My head is spinning a bit. I wasn't totally prepared for this, but I'm ready. I'm ready to try for these sweet babies. I have done everything I can this far, and I'm not going to stop trying anytime soon.
I think I would feel really ungrateful if I didn't write about how much The Lord has had his hand in my life these past few months. I know he is so mindful of me and I know he cries with me and cheers me on when I have success. What a comforting feeling. I'm so grateful for answered prayers. I've probably prayed more this process than any other time in my life. My prayers are ALWAYS answered from the smallest things like that my blood draw won't hurt that day, to helping me have the strength to stay positive and faithful in a world of doubt. He has literally been with me this whole time and I will forever be grateful. I love My Father in Heaven and my brother Jesus Christ with ALL of me. I could not get through this heavy trial without them. Sometimes this trial have felt too heavy to bare. But every time I feel that way, The Lord is there literally helping carry it for me. I have felt it so many times, and I know I could never get through this without them. I KNOW because I tried a few months and they were the worst months of my life haha!
For anyone struggling with infertility, miscarriage, a loss of a child...or any other trial for that matter, Pray. Pray because HE WILL hear and answer your prayer, every time. Keep your faith in Him, and his plan for you. I've learned that my plan will NEVER be as good as His for me. So even though it's freaking hard sometimes, and I need to be so patient, I'm willing to do so. Because I know in the end, the amount of happiness I feel will be unimaginable.
I have been SO blessed with the GREATEST and I mean GREATEST friends and family. The support I've been given, is something I'll never forget. Tonight my sweet friend from my church brought me the sweetest gift. Part of it was a bracelet and the symbol stood for, "unexpected miracles." It was exactly what I needed.